The Sadness I Feel – Depression

THE SADNESS I FEEL…

It engulfs me.
Takes away all my hope.
Makes me blind.

In isolation I wonder about my life.
I am lucky, I am someone’s wife.
Someone cares for me, how can that be?
I do not understand, I do not see.
It engulfs me.
Takes away all my hope.
Makes me blind.

The sadness turns to pain.
In staying alive I have nothing to gain.
Something stops me from saying goodbye.
As I fall and silently cry.
It engulfs me.
Takes away all my hope.
Makes me blind.

Time has passed me by.
I do not want to hear another lie.
For I am more than this pain.
I am sure I have more to gain
It engulfs me.
Takes away all my hope.
Makes me blind.

I know that God is carrying me right now.
He is helping me, but I do not know how.
Again and again he will pick me up
Until I can cast off all this hurt
It engulfs me.
Takes away all my hope.
Makes me blind.

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Looking In The Mirror

WHAT DO I SEE?

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a young woman looking back at me.
I stand and stare into her eyes so sad,
And wonder about the life she could have had.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a young child looking back at me.
I reach out my hand and touch her dark hair,
I want her to know that I will always care.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a young lady looking back at me.
I stand and smile in acknowledgement of her dedication,
I am so proud of her solid education.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a business woman looking back at me.
I admire her good looks and the confidence she exudes to all,
I know she is hungry for power and will never fall.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a wife looking back at me.
I see the love in her smile so wide,
I know he will always be by her side.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a mother looking back at me.
I watch the children looking at her above,
And know this is what they call unconditional love.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a young woman looking back at me.
This young woman what a life she has had,
I tell her there is no reason to be sad.

I look in the mirror and look at me.
My life, flashing before me, I know what I see.
I accept my flaws, of which there are many,
But with each new day I will remain steady.

I look in the mirror and look at me.
I have love all around me that is what I see.

A Poem For My Husband

A few years ago I wrote a poem for my husband to help him understand my eating disorder……

MY ED VOICE

It is midnight and everyone is asleep
Everything is quiet, everything is calm
But I sit alone and weep
For I know SHE is there watching wanting me to eat.

SHE knows how much I love her
Though SHE fills me with such fear
SHE pretends to be my best friend
So no one else can get near

HER voice is soft and gentle
Like a lullaby
SHE cradles me and holds me tight
Especially when I cry

It is midnight and everyone is asleep
Everything is quiet, everything is calm
But I sit not alone and weep
For SHE is with me wanting me to eat.

SHE knows how much I hate her
Though SHE fills me with such love
SHE is my worst enemy
Please help me from above

HER voice is hard and sombre
Unlike that lullaby
SHE beats and scolds me
But I try not to cry

It is midnight and everyone is asleep
Except SHE who is willing me to eat.
But as I try with all my might
SHE will never ever let me out of her sight.

It is midnight and everyone is asleep
I try to keep quiet as I begin to eat
For SHE is relentless going on and on and on
But I cannot help feeling that this is one big con.

My power SHE has taken
My body SHE is breaking
My mind SHE is controlling
My heart SHE is consoling

It is morning and as everyone awakes
I put on my happy face and breakfast I do make
For SHE is still with me and laughing at my mistakes
But I will fight HER with everything it takes!